In my usual lighthearted and helpful manner, I’m happy to share my hurricane preparation tips in advance of the upcoming storm. I’m the quintessential ‘chicken little’ of hurricane preparation, a fact that amuses and annoys anyone within a 100 yard parameter of me. Here are the tips in no particular order:
1. Wet weather gear: despite the fact that we are warned to stay indoors during storms, I recommend that you get one of those top-to-bottom rain gear sets. It’ll amuse your family and friends and make for some great photo opportunities.
2. Canned foods: there’s nothing like a potpourri of Spam and Dinty Moore Beef Stew to tantalize your taste buds. If the storm doesn’t kill you, the sodium levels surely will.
3. D Batteries: you’ll note that almost no gadget in your house actually uses ‘D’ batteries but I always feel better with a few dozen – just in case.
4. Alcohol: it’s better to stick with the extremes here – either absolutely no alcohol (in which case you’ll be prepared to fire up the chain saw to cut that pine tree that fell on your car) or drink to oblivion (in which case, you’ll be very limber and less prone to injury just in case the pine tree lands on you). Be sure to go to bed in the yellow slicker so you’ll be prepared for either eventuality.
5. Water: they estimate one gallon per person for a three day supply. In my case, that’s nine gallons of water or its functional equivalent of three cases of Budweiser. No, I don’t drink Budweiser but it feels un-American to drink anything else in a national disaster.
6. Clean your gutters: In the event that you don’t actually clean your gutters, my usual backup plan is to remove everything from the basement floor to wait for the inevitable flooding. This includes the air mattresses that you’ve inflated in your make-shift storm bunker.
7. Ok, Ok, there isn’t actually a #7 but I wanted to end on a lucky number.
It’s a mystery to Jamie as to how I’ll occupy my time over the next two days preparing for the storm but that’s part of keeping the magic in our relationship. Signing off from Storm Central…Out.